Wednesday 22 February 2017

Description writing


As part of learning to use our senses to add detail to our writing the students did a description piece about a hospital similar to the photo. They wrote their own piece, reflected on it with another student and then wrote a combined piece with a buddy. Here are a few excerpts from their writing:

The quiet squealing and crying of the medical trolley rolled around the bare brick hall. All day I can only hear groaning and screams of pain. The doctors and nurses dance their pencils on paper incessantly. I start to slip into darkness when a shell went off in the distance, the walls spitting it back in a never ending echo. The patient next to me has a deep gash on his forehead. His face is very pale and gaunt. He wrinkles his nose at the odor no one can explain. The nurses wander around as if in a trance, their weary eyes dart about the room, flicking from bed to bed. As the nurses bandage my shoulder all I can hear is the sound of my own ragged breathing and the screaming inside my head.   By LOLA and MADELINE.

The lids of my eyes yawn open. The pain of where I got shot overwhelms me. I groan helplessly on my old withered mattress. I hear the notorious sound of the medical trolley strolling through the corridor of the hospital. As I look over I see my friend, lying there in his rickety old bed, gazing into emptiness. 
By DECLAN and ANTONY

The smell of blood and smoke lingers in the air. The drone of a bomber dropping bombs speedily came closer. Blood covered bodies came in every second. The nurses frantically run around caring for the victims of war. I see a mangled face of a bloke with eyes closed to stop blood filling them. Facing me he groaned "Help me." Screaming catches my attention. I turn around to see a crowd of people are holding a man down while others amputate his leg. I nervously look at my own leg "Will that happen to me?
By JUSTICE

Midnight. The smell of sick filled the room. People groan in agony. I slowly walk soundlessly into the room. The walls of the hospital are covered with old grime and dirt where old patients would lean on when waiting for a bed. I see an old man calling for help. I run to him. I grab the medical trolley, the squeaking of the wheels make my ears want to bleed...
By JOSIAH and KIRAN

I slowly opened my eyelids with no memory of what had just happened. Quiet mumbles echo down the solid brick building. The squeak of the nurses trolley screeches in my ears. The smell of urine wafts under my nose, it makes my stomach churn. My clothes are drenched in blood which makes my knees feel tingly. I need to get out of here I thought to myself.
By CAMPBELL and CAMERON

1 comment:

  1. Wow! those are absolutely amazing pieces of writing. You have captured a moment in time that no one would want to witness or relive. Your descriptive language is well thought out and precise. Fantastic!!!

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